In reporting this story I came across a number of people who chose not to take spousal they were entitled to. Here are their stories:
“Asking for alimony would be like asking for a pension for a job I no longer did. It just didn’t seem fair.”
Suzan French married at 18, soon after had a daughter and found herself unhappily married. “My husband was a nice guy but worked 12 to 16 hours per day (as a manager at a manufacturing company) – I rarely saw him,” says French. When French was 24, she filed for divorce, but not spousal support. Her attorney told her she “definitely would have gotten alimony” – about $2,000 per month, she estimates. French had no college education, zero professional work experience, and only a brief resume from when she was a teenager.
“My marriage allowed me to stay home full-time with my daughter,” says French. “That was a luxury – not a job. I was compensated. I had a nice home, drove a nice car, had access to a bank account. Asking for alimony would be like asking for a pension for a job I no longer did. Why should he have to pay because he loved me enough to marry me? It just didn’t seem fair.”
French landed a job as a leasing agent at a nearby apartment complex, where she and her daughter moved. It took her 10 years of attending community college part-time, but eventually she graduated from Ivy League University of Pennsylvania’s Wharton School. Today, 20 years later, French owns a public relations and marketing company, owns her home and is putting two daughters through college.”
“Once I got a job and started making my own money, it built my confidence. I have accomplished so much that I am proud of. If I had taken alimony I wouldn’t have learned all I have.”
“He didn’t want to be in the marriage, so why would I force him to maintain some kind of relationship with me?”
Amanda Starrick, 41, a college professor, earned a third of her husband’s salary. She understood she was legally entitled to alimony, but when her husband initiated divorce, she negotiated a settlement designed to be a clean break. “I never even considered alimony – I didn’t want to send a message to him or his family that I needed him or was using him,” says Starrick.
The couple had no children. “I could support myself and didn’t want to be dependent on him. There was a measure of pride at play, but I also wanted a nice, clean break. He didn’t want to be in the marriage, so why would I force him to maintain some kind of relationship with me?”
“Sometimes if you have too much of a cushion you’re not as aggressive in pursuing your dreams.”
Dana Lin was also a stay-at-home mom for most of her marriage, and like Starrick, admits there was a measure of pride in not pursuing alimony in her divorce, even though she could barely support herself – selling her wedding and heirloom jewelry to make ends meet, and admitting to not eating for days on end when her children spent time with their dad. “I was very ambitious and had great earning potential,” says Lin, 41, whose husband was the chief technology officer at the time. “I didn’t want anyone to say I couldn’t make it without him.”
Source; http://www.forbes.com/sites/emmajohnson/2014/11/13/i-turned-down-alimony-3-womens-stories/2/
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