If you have been married for any length of time then you realize that communication is an important key to a strong relationship. Whenever that communication breaks down is when you can run into trouble and start to head towards a divorce. Here are five signs that you could be getting a divorce.
- Working for your side or against your spouse (having sides!)
This can happen and shift the balance in a relationship, or if one spouse thinks that he or she is always right, some examples might include being on different sides of the same coin. One spouse might spend while the other might want to save. One spouse might want to have fun while the other wants to work all the time. It is important to find a balance between the spouses so they can both be who they truly are.
- Lack of communication (silent treatment)
One of the most important keys to a healthy and sustainable relationship is strong communication. Every couple will face disagreements, but it is how you deal with those disagreements and differences of opinion that matters.
Couples may often vent to their friends or families about their relationship tribulations, but not directly to one another. They may fear hurting the others’ feelings or causing more issues.
Many people assume that they think they know what the person they love is thinking or feeling, yet they stay silent. It is important to be direct and to communicate what one does and doesn’t like and to ask more questions of their partner.
Beginning a sentence with a criticism is never a good idea and sets the conversation up for more troubles. Anything overly critical or accusatory should be avoided, instead lead with a request.
Some examples might include: “Can you help me ________?” Or,“How about if we _________?” Anytime you say “we” instead of “you,” it feels inclusive. It is important to choose your words wisely.
- Lack of time together (no date nights)
It’s common for couples to drift apart especially after they have had children or career growth. If you are feeling this way, let your spouse know and see if you can make time together, whether it be a date night or an adult’s only vacation.
- Looking answers outside of the marriage (the greener grass)
This can come in many forms from delving into one’s career, addictions (alcohol, drugs, gambling, shopping, etc.), to just focusing on their kids, or going out with their friends more. Some may even have an emotional affair with someone, and be “emotionally checked out” so to speak.
Recognize that filling the void may not be the answer and it may be time to put some serious work into the partnership or exit the relationship altogether.
5. Not seeking outside help (not doing the work)
Getting some couples therapy or some relationship coaching can make a world of difference in a marriage and can help keep couples from getting divorce. A trained therapist or counselor who specializes in relationships can be a great help. Some may even seek clergy help if they are religious. If finances are holding you back, you can read self-help books or find a 12-step program.
Remember that you are more likely to get divorced if you have a communication breakdown. We always ask potential clients if they think the marriage can be saved. If not then we can guide them through the divorce and all other family law matters.
If you or someone you know are thinking about getting a divorce and reside in Massachusetts, please call Amaral & Associates, P.C. at (617) 539-1010 or visit us at www.Amarallaw.com for information about what your next steps should be and whether or not mediation or a traditional divorce is the best option for you