Divorce is Harder on Men

Divorce is Harder on Men.

We think it tends to be true. As a Boston based Divorce and Family Law Firm specializing in all aspects of divorce, with decades of diverse case experience and real-world perspective on how devastating divorce litigation is for all involved, we find that men are often different in the way they cope with divorce. While women often seek professional help men don’t. Here are some ways that make divorce harder on men than women.

Men skip the grieving process after divorce. Divorce is one of the most stressful life events up there with death of relative or a close friend. When men realize they are losing someone who has been their partner for most of their lives grief is natural.  If men fail to grieve, they feel at a loss, as their plans are derailed, their dreams and goals are altered, and they have to create a new life plan.

Women will reach out to friends and professional help while men will bottle up emotions and become anxious and depressed.

Men’s health declines after divorce. They often suffer from depression, anxiety, weight fluctuations and insomnia. Often the women were the ones who encouraged them to eat healthy and exercise. Men often oversee the finances and that stress often opens them up to stroke and heart disease. Many men turn to self-medication like alcohol and drugs. When married, men are used to sharing their depression and concerns with their wives. They aren’t as likely to reach out to friends or professionals when they are feeling vulnerable.

Men lose their identity after divorce. When couples are together, they often identify as being a husband or a wife, and this is a big part of their identity. Women often join groups or do activities while they are married apart from their husband. When a couple gets divorced men often do not seek joining outside groups and feels isolated.

Men rush into new relationships after divorce. Since many men often do not take the time to really grieve, and they don’t want to be alone they jump into new relationships. In this way they can use this new relationship to suppress their feelings about their failed marriage. Women often take time alone for a while to grieve and process their divorce.

Men miss their children after divorce. More often than not men will not get primary custody, so they miss out on all the day to day activities of their children that were a course of life when they were married. They don’t like to have to call their children to find out what is going on and as a result feels detached from their children’s lives.

Divorce is hard on everyone. Overall, women fare better that men because of their social networks and willingness to find help.  Women tend to move ahead after a divorce while men trudge forward carrying a lot of anguish. Men are much more likely to consider suicide after a breakup. Think about giving your ex-husband a bit of a break for your children’s sake. Most likely, your kids will still want to spend time with him, and this can help him in the future with health and relationships. If men feel like they failed at the marriage, spending time with the children can hone their paternal skills while re-installing the needed sense of belonging and providing for the children.

Inspired by the article from Divorce magazine “6 Reasons why Divorce is Harder on Men than Women


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